I have grieved for my Father, my Mother, my brother, and my nephew. While each loss felt different, I knew each to be like an energetic amputation that left me changed. It feels like you are smaller, sometimes my edges were jagged, sometimes they were soft and porous. Sometimes my body would feel unreal to me, lighter, nebulous, sometimes it would feel heavy, burdensome. At times I needed connection, at other times I’d withdraw. These are all reactions to physical loss, the world felt ‘less’ to me and this was me working out the new and different world that I inhabited. It’s like you’ve lost your senses – literally – and you can’t perceive your surroundings in the same way anymore, so your mind is frantically bouncing around trying to make sense of something it can’t comprehend.
There’s a great mystery in the process, we know the scientific explanation but even knowing how it happens doesn’t preclude the mystery. This is probably why we resonate with this cycle on a spiritual level; there’s a common sense of ‘not knowing’ what happens to us between our death and our birth as well, and here it is happening right in front of us but we still can’t quite ‘see’ it.